Tit for TatDoes the TAT always need a TIT and then does the TIT need a TAT again ?

Does the TAT always need a TIT and then does the TIT need a TAT again ? and thus continues the vicious circle of TIT for TAT.

To my mind, it is the most primal and common human response but equally hideous and unevolved. This auto generated human response usually does not serve anyone in the situation positively.

With all this jargon on self-love, personal growth  and attempting to be better versions of ourselves, have we ever given a thought to the fact that how many times do we actually, and subconsciously in our multitude of acts and emotions convey this primitive human response, sometimes implicitly and sometimes explicitly.

Why do we feel the need, what is this ego satisfaction that we are constantly craving for ? Do we realize that the satisfaction is only fleeting and that it brings with it another wave of negativity that is bound to spiral out of control. 

It is just not worth it.

We are here to evolve. All relationships are opportunities for us to become a better person and to grow. 

Acknowledge the hurt, process it, but after that step away and breathe. 

Sometimes “no reaction” is a better reaction than a “reaction”.

Conserve your energy. It is meant to be invested in things you love, things that make your soul glow. 

Does someone else deserve the power to rile you, to torment your peace of mind, your sanity? Will your ego really feel placated and to what end?

If you come to think of it, there are only 2 things that instigate this need for “TIT for TAT”

Ego – how dare he/she do this to me !

Expectation – I never expected this person to behave this way with me !

Egos and Expectations (of another) ruin relationships. 

Egos are good for none. 

Expectations are good, but for yourself. Don’t cage yourself within the expectations of another. 

Compete with yourself. Do better each day, with yourself and for yourself. 

You are your own superhero. You have the power to be the bigger person. Experience the magnanimity of your being. Your power is limitless. Your heart is a bottomless pit of love and forgiveness. 

These patterns that we continuously live in life, are in our hands to break away from. Be your own superhero. 

Change the meaning, the connotation of TITs and TATs. Let the TATs be someone’s immense generosity towards you and beat that with your kindness and open heart. Let those be your TITs for their TATs.

Make your own pattern of love, positivity and hope.

And till you find your way to changing the connotation altogether, here are some tools to cope with yourself, when you encounter TATs in your life:

The 2 R’s

  1. Relax : Sleep over it for more than a nightAlways sleep over it. Time does give a tad more perspective. If you need to scream at somebody. Postpone it for the next day. Trust me, you wont feel just as strongly the next day. And then, postpone it again, you will feel a little better and you will begin to lose steam.Postpone it another time, and you may just feel that it isn’t worth investing the energy.
  2. Reframe: Reframing involves re-interpreting a situation in order to effectively adjust your emotional response to it. It is basically an exercise of generous imagination. When we are hurt by someone, we usually end up twisting the facts a little. The hurt just seems like a barbed wire laced with venom and hurled specifically at us. We concoct the incident in a manner that it justifies our anger.Cognitive reframing involves flipping the question over with a “what if”. In a way that opens up the possibility that not everyone is out to get us or hurt us. I read somewhere “People do well when the can”.We need to give the benefit of doubt to people around us. Everyone would like to be kind. But sometimes their actions do not match their desires. CAN is flexible and allows improvement.

For example;

A. She/he didn’t call me back because she/he hates

Reframing: She/he must be busy.

B. She/ He didn’t invite me, coz she/he wanted to prove a point.

Reframing: Probably because she/he wanted an intimate group.

C. I cooked 7 dishes for dinner while hosting them but she/he put 2 on the table when I went. She doesn’t care enough ! Wait till I host him/her the next time.

Reframing: She/he probably doesn’t like to cook or she/he likes to show she/he cares in other ways.

See if the 2 R’s can tweak your lives a tad.

Published by oberoimehak

Full time mother and overworked lawyer who likes to spend the 25th hour mulling over life, spirituality, parenthood, relationships and other creative pursuits that crack its way through her over enthusiastic brain. Follow me if feminism, women empowerment, spirituality or just the basic dogmas imposed by the society; intrigue you.

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